Thursday, 26 February 2009

The 'C' word.

Well after my last post I am sure you understand why I have been so quiet.

To bring you up to speed...

When the doctor called me 'infertile' I lost all hope. I spent the weekend in dispair. Sounds dramatic but that is exactly how I felt. I cannot imagine living my life without children, my whole life to this point has been getting to a stage where I can happily welcome a child into my life. What am I meant to do without that? I am not exactly a career woman! lol

Anyway after talking to DH and mum I have decided to fight. DH has to have his tests before the doctor will refer us but this isn't the end of the road.

My granny has been in hospital again. She has cancer, has had for nearly 5 years. They told her 5 years ago she had less than a year to live, but she is a fighter. However the doctors are admitting her to a hospice, they say it is a matter of weeks not months now. It sounds wierd but as much as this upsets me, I feel lucky. I have had 5 years with her that I shouldn't have had, and because of those five years I got to have her at my wedding. I would have loved to have made her a great granny but it just isn't meant to be. Besides maybe she can pull a few strings for me up there!

When my grandad died 5 years ago we had no warning, there were so many things left unsaid, I am glad I can have the chance to say goodbye to my granny.

Anyway I have tomorrow off work as we are going to London for the weekend. One of our wedding presents was dinner and theatre for 2 so we are going for dinner in Covent Garden and then on to see Chicago. For christmas my mum paid for the hotel and thr train tickets so it is hardley costing us anything! I can't wait to go! Maybe it will help to take my mind off everything.

Friday, 20 February 2009

I am infertile...

It is official. The doctor says he wants to do tests on DH to make sure there are no problems there and then he will refer us.

I have looked into the fertilty treatment in Glos and I will get 6 months of fertility drugs like Clomid but if that doesn't work I will have to wait until I am 30 before I am eligable for IVF and even then I will only get one attempt.

Devestated isn't the word. I think I am going to give all my pregnancy related books and magazines away and find something else to concentrate on.

Tuesday, 17 February 2009

Valentines Day!

Well the weekend wasn't too bad. Mike arrived and he looked pathetic, I don't mean this in a mean way. His world has fallen apart and it shows. Gayle, his wife has gone back to South Africa 'to sort out her visa' but has said he only has 2-3% chance of her returning as his wife. I think she is depressed, Mike said that she has said that she feels 'Empty'. And what kind of sane women would leave her husband and kids and go to a different country miles away?

Gayle... well she is my sister in law but I have always had the feeling that she didn't like me. I always felt like I wasn't 'cool' enough to be in her gang!

Mike... such a lovely guy. He is one of the few really good men around.

We took Mike out on Valentines Day night to a few bars around Gloucester! It was such a stressful night! He had decided he was going to 'pull', egged on by DH who thought it would be good for him. Neither of them listened to my pleas that no good would come of it, and no matter what he would end up feeling guilty. And neither of them spared a thought for whoever he would pull! Thankfully he failed to pull, not due to him but maybe me cunningly taking him to a 'brilliant' club that I just couldn't seem to find in my 'drunkeness'!lol I am still not sure if he was serious about pulling but I know I didn't want to take the chance! However he is conviced that Gayle is cheating on him in SA.

Anyway enough about other people and more about me! lol
After Mike left on Sunday afternoon DH and I started out Valentines Day! He had bought me my favourite movie on Blue-Ray. 'The Notebook' he pressed play and the film started and I started crying! I cryed all through the film! I love the film so so much! I think I will read the book again, even the book makes me cry!

AF arrived at the weekend, only 10 days late! I really think that they are so irregular because of my progesterone levels. I get my blood test results on Friday and if the levels are still low then I will be refered. After a bit of internet research I have found that I will probably be put on Clomid to regulate my hormones and stimulate my ovaries but that you have an 80% chance of ovulating in 3 months and of that 80% who do ovulate only 40% get pregnant. Which means overall I have a 32% chance of getting pregnant with Clomid. They will only give you Clomid for a maximum of 6 months. Hmmmmm

I know I am getting far far ahead of myself, I always do! But I like to be prepared. When we were discussing trying for a baby I bought loads of pregnancy books. I wanted to be sure I knew everything! The sad thing is my friend Shelly who found out she was pregnant when we started trying is due in April. It breaks my heart to hear about her pregnancy.

Friday, 13 February 2009

Blood Tests

Well I had my blood tests this morning. These are the ones to check the results of the previous blood tests! ARRRGGH!!
I get the results in a week and if my progesterone is still low then I will be refered to a specialist.

Tomorrow is Valentines Day, our first as husband and wife. I had all these plans of a nice dinner, a slushy movie and a night of passion. Instead my brother in law is coming to stay.
I don't mind really, he is going through a really hard time as his wife has left him after 12 years of marriage. I just wish I could do something to take the pain away from him. He is such a lovely guy.

We have been looking at some houses as we wanted to upgrade from our flat. I am seeing 3 tomorrow to get me out of the house so DH can have some brotherly bonding time.

The good news is that as soon as we find our house we are going to adopt Wispa 2! Although we have named her Amber. She is so adorable and she really loves me! She is my baby surrogate!

Monday, 9 February 2009

Snowball Fights and Kittens

Well AF hasn't arrived I plucked up the courage to do a test yesterday and it was a BFN. I am thinking that maybe the stress of everything is delaying AF. The strange thing is, even though I am fully aware that if I do get pregnant the chance of MC is very high, I still hope that I will get my miracle.

Anyway the snow has been really bad here so a few snowball fights have been fun! Apart from the one where I was cornered and pelted by my dad, dh and a friend of the family! Ouch!

Went to see the kittens at my mums. They are so adorable. Oscar is so loving, he is like a little rag doll! Gracie is so prim and proper, always shadowing my mum! Wispa is the cutest, being longhaired she looks like a mini lion! And she loves her balls with the bells in! At the moment mum is also fostering Wispa's twin sister, they are identical apart from their eyes! We haven't named her as we don't want to get too attached but she is becoming known as Wispa 2! It breaks my heart that we can't adopt her, she has such a lovely manner.

Not much planned for this week! On saturday it is Valentines Day, our first as man and wife. I am planning a nice meal for DH but I still need to get him a card lol!

Wednesday, 4 February 2009


Hi Nilo and thanks for your comments!

I would agree that in school we are lead to believe that simply holding hands with a boy can lead to pregnancy! lol

Unfortunatly this isn't the case, if I weren't the control freak that I am I would follow everyones advice and let it happen naturally! They recommend BD every 2-3 days.

However if you want to know a bit of what I have learnt then read on!

The hormone estrogen builds up and around day 14 of your cycle (this will change depending on the length of your cycle) you will ovulate. Your egg will only 'live' for 6-12 hours. Sperm can live for upto 3-5 days. However even if the sperm and the egg are in the same place at the same time there is only a 20% chance of it leading to pregnancy.

They say that 90% of women will get pregnant within a year of trying.

It is just the luck of the draw.

Tuesday, 3 February 2009


As the title would indicate, I am exhausted.

Firstly though, I have read up on what low progesterone levels mean. Progesterone is the hormone that makes your womb lining thicken. With a thin womb lining it is unlikely that A. the egg would be able to implant and B. miscarriage risk is higher

It is funny though, I still hold out hope that a miracle will happen and I will get my sticky BFP! I am due to go for more blood tests in 2 weeks to confirm the results. At which time I will then be refered to a specialist.

So, the reason why I am so tired! Yesterday I left work at 4pm with some friends from work and DH. I got free tickets to see Britains Got Talent Auditions in Cardiff. It was amazing and I am quite ashamed to say I got really star struck when I saw Piers Morgan, Amanda Holden, Simon Cowell, Ant & Dec!!! Wow!

Plus the acts were so cool and we got to cheer and boo!! I wonder if I will be able to see myself on tv! We didn't get home until 1am so I am knackered!! At least it took my mind off everything.

Tonight I am getting dinner from the chippy and going to bed at 6pm!!