Well after my last post I am sure you understand why I have been so quiet.
To bring you up to speed...
When the doctor called me 'infertile' I lost all hope. I spent the weekend in dispair. Sounds dramatic but that is exactly how I felt. I cannot imagine living my life without children, my whole life to this point has been getting to a stage where I can happily welcome a child into my life. What am I meant to do without that? I am not exactly a career woman! lol
Anyway after talking to DH and mum I have decided to fight. DH has to have his tests before the doctor will refer us but this isn't the end of the road.
My granny has been in hospital again. She has cancer, has had for nearly 5 years. They told her 5 years ago she had less than a year to live, but she is a fighter. However the doctors are admitting her to a hospice, they say it is a matter of weeks not months now. It sounds wierd but as much as this upsets me, I feel lucky. I have had 5 years with her that I shouldn't have had, and because of those five years I got to have her at my wedding. I would have loved to have made her a great granny but it just isn't meant to be. Besides maybe she can pull a few strings for me up there!
When my grandad died 5 years ago we had no warning, there were so many things left unsaid, I am glad I can have the chance to say goodbye to my granny.
Anyway I have tomorrow off work as we are going to London for the weekend. One of our wedding presents was dinner and theatre for 2 so we are going for dinner in Covent Garden and then on to see Chicago. For christmas my mum paid for the hotel and thr train tickets so it is hardley costing us anything! I can't wait to go! Maybe it will help to take my mind off everything.
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Oh Bloody hell twirly - I leave you for a couple of weeks and come back to all of this. You poor bugger. I know exactly how you feel. I'm infertile too and so whatever you're feeling, I will know exactly what you're going through. If you ever ever ever want to chat about anything, e-mail me via my blog and I'll send you my number so we can have a chat.
ReplyDeleteThere is life out there without your own babies. I've known since I was 26 and I'm nearly 34 now. Sometimes it's still hard but life does go on. Sometimes I think maybe I'm like this so that perhaps a child is waiting for me to adopt them, one that desperately needs someone like me.
Don't ever feel down about it, things happen or don't happen for a reason and you still have full health, all of your marbles and a loving husband. It's hard to focus on the positives but they are there.
Sending you so much love and loads of hugs. You're not alone in this, however much you may feel like you are.
Contact me anytime.
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