Well after my last post I am sure you understand why I have been so quiet.
To bring you up to speed...
When the doctor called me 'infertile' I lost all hope. I spent the weekend in dispair. Sounds dramatic but that is exactly how I felt. I cannot imagine living my life without children, my whole life to this point has been getting to a stage where I can happily welcome a child into my life. What am I meant to do without that? I am not exactly a career woman! lol
Anyway after talking to DH and mum I have decided to fight. DH has to have his tests before the doctor will refer us but this isn't the end of the road.
My granny has been in hospital again. She has cancer, has had for nearly 5 years. They told her 5 years ago she had less than a year to live, but she is a fighter. However the doctors are admitting her to a hospice, they say it is a matter of weeks not months now. It sounds wierd but as much as this upsets me, I feel lucky. I have had 5 years with her that I shouldn't have had, and because of those five years I got to have her at my wedding. I would have loved to have made her a great granny but it just isn't meant to be. Besides maybe she can pull a few strings for me up there!
When my grandad died 5 years ago we had no warning, there were so many things left unsaid, I am glad I can have the chance to say goodbye to my granny.
Anyway I have tomorrow off work as we are going to London for the weekend. One of our wedding presents was dinner and theatre for 2 so we are going for dinner in Covent Garden and then on to see Chicago. For christmas my mum paid for the hotel and thr train tickets so it is hardley costing us anything! I can't wait to go! Maybe it will help to take my mind off everything.
Thursday, 26 February 2009
Friday, 20 February 2009
I am infertile...
It is official. The doctor says he wants to do tests on DH to make sure there are no problems there and then he will refer us.
I have looked into the fertilty treatment in Glos and I will get 6 months of fertility drugs like Clomid but if that doesn't work I will have to wait until I am 30 before I am eligable for IVF and even then I will only get one attempt.
Devestated isn't the word. I think I am going to give all my pregnancy related books and magazines away and find something else to concentrate on.
I have looked into the fertilty treatment in Glos and I will get 6 months of fertility drugs like Clomid but if that doesn't work I will have to wait until I am 30 before I am eligable for IVF and even then I will only get one attempt.
Devestated isn't the word. I think I am going to give all my pregnancy related books and magazines away and find something else to concentrate on.
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
Valentines Day!
Well the weekend wasn't too bad. Mike arrived and he looked pathetic, I don't mean this in a mean way. His world has fallen apart and it shows. Gayle, his wife has gone back to South Africa 'to sort out her visa' but has said he only has 2-3% chance of her returning as his wife. I think she is depressed, Mike said that she has said that she feels 'Empty'. And what kind of sane women would leave her husband and kids and go to a different country miles away?
Gayle... well she is my sister in law but I have always had the feeling that she didn't like me. I always felt like I wasn't 'cool' enough to be in her gang!
Mike... such a lovely guy. He is one of the few really good men around.
We took Mike out on Valentines Day night to a few bars around Gloucester! It was such a stressful night! He had decided he was going to 'pull', egged on by DH who thought it would be good for him. Neither of them listened to my pleas that no good would come of it, and no matter what he would end up feeling guilty. And neither of them spared a thought for whoever he would pull! Thankfully he failed to pull, not due to him but maybe me cunningly taking him to a 'brilliant' club that I just couldn't seem to find in my 'drunkeness'!lol I am still not sure if he was serious about pulling but I know I didn't want to take the chance! However he is conviced that Gayle is cheating on him in SA.
Anyway enough about other people and more about me! lol
After Mike left on Sunday afternoon DH and I started out Valentines Day! He had bought me my favourite movie on Blue-Ray. 'The Notebook' he pressed play and the film started and I started crying! I cryed all through the film! I love the film so so much! I think I will read the book again, even the book makes me cry!
AF arrived at the weekend, only 10 days late! I really think that they are so irregular because of my progesterone levels. I get my blood test results on Friday and if the levels are still low then I will be refered. After a bit of internet research I have found that I will probably be put on Clomid to regulate my hormones and stimulate my ovaries but that you have an 80% chance of ovulating in 3 months and of that 80% who do ovulate only 40% get pregnant. Which means overall I have a 32% chance of getting pregnant with Clomid. They will only give you Clomid for a maximum of 6 months. Hmmmmm
I know I am getting far far ahead of myself, I always do! But I like to be prepared. When we were discussing trying for a baby I bought loads of pregnancy books. I wanted to be sure I knew everything! The sad thing is my friend Shelly who found out she was pregnant when we started trying is due in April. It breaks my heart to hear about her pregnancy.
Gayle... well she is my sister in law but I have always had the feeling that she didn't like me. I always felt like I wasn't 'cool' enough to be in her gang!
Mike... such a lovely guy. He is one of the few really good men around.
We took Mike out on Valentines Day night to a few bars around Gloucester! It was such a stressful night! He had decided he was going to 'pull', egged on by DH who thought it would be good for him. Neither of them listened to my pleas that no good would come of it, and no matter what he would end up feeling guilty. And neither of them spared a thought for whoever he would pull! Thankfully he failed to pull, not due to him but maybe me cunningly taking him to a 'brilliant' club that I just couldn't seem to find in my 'drunkeness'!lol I am still not sure if he was serious about pulling but I know I didn't want to take the chance! However he is conviced that Gayle is cheating on him in SA.
Anyway enough about other people and more about me! lol
After Mike left on Sunday afternoon DH and I started out Valentines Day! He had bought me my favourite movie on Blue-Ray. 'The Notebook' he pressed play and the film started and I started crying! I cryed all through the film! I love the film so so much! I think I will read the book again, even the book makes me cry!
AF arrived at the weekend, only 10 days late! I really think that they are so irregular because of my progesterone levels. I get my blood test results on Friday and if the levels are still low then I will be refered. After a bit of internet research I have found that I will probably be put on Clomid to regulate my hormones and stimulate my ovaries but that you have an 80% chance of ovulating in 3 months and of that 80% who do ovulate only 40% get pregnant. Which means overall I have a 32% chance of getting pregnant with Clomid. They will only give you Clomid for a maximum of 6 months. Hmmmmm
I know I am getting far far ahead of myself, I always do! But I like to be prepared. When we were discussing trying for a baby I bought loads of pregnancy books. I wanted to be sure I knew everything! The sad thing is my friend Shelly who found out she was pregnant when we started trying is due in April. It breaks my heart to hear about her pregnancy.
Friday, 13 February 2009
Blood Tests
Well I had my blood tests this morning. These are the ones to check the results of the previous blood tests! ARRRGGH!!
I get the results in a week and if my progesterone is still low then I will be refered to a specialist.
Tomorrow is Valentines Day, our first as husband and wife. I had all these plans of a nice dinner, a slushy movie and a night of passion. Instead my brother in law is coming to stay.
I don't mind really, he is going through a really hard time as his wife has left him after 12 years of marriage. I just wish I could do something to take the pain away from him. He is such a lovely guy.
We have been looking at some houses as we wanted to upgrade from our flat. I am seeing 3 tomorrow to get me out of the house so DH can have some brotherly bonding time.
The good news is that as soon as we find our house we are going to adopt Wispa 2! Although we have named her Amber. She is so adorable and she really loves me! She is my baby surrogate!
I get the results in a week and if my progesterone is still low then I will be refered to a specialist.
Tomorrow is Valentines Day, our first as husband and wife. I had all these plans of a nice dinner, a slushy movie and a night of passion. Instead my brother in law is coming to stay.
I don't mind really, he is going through a really hard time as his wife has left him after 12 years of marriage. I just wish I could do something to take the pain away from him. He is such a lovely guy.
We have been looking at some houses as we wanted to upgrade from our flat. I am seeing 3 tomorrow to get me out of the house so DH can have some brotherly bonding time.
The good news is that as soon as we find our house we are going to adopt Wispa 2! Although we have named her Amber. She is so adorable and she really loves me! She is my baby surrogate!
Monday, 9 February 2009
Snowball Fights and Kittens
Well AF hasn't arrived I plucked up the courage to do a test yesterday and it was a BFN. I am thinking that maybe the stress of everything is delaying AF. The strange thing is, even though I am fully aware that if I do get pregnant the chance of MC is very high, I still hope that I will get my miracle.
Anyway the snow has been really bad here so a few snowball fights have been fun! Apart from the one where I was cornered and pelted by my dad, dh and a friend of the family! Ouch!
Went to see the kittens at my mums. They are so adorable. Oscar is so loving, he is like a little rag doll! Gracie is so prim and proper, always shadowing my mum! Wispa is the cutest, being longhaired she looks like a mini lion! And she loves her balls with the bells in! At the moment mum is also fostering Wispa's twin sister, they are identical apart from their eyes! We haven't named her as we don't want to get too attached but she is becoming known as Wispa 2! It breaks my heart that we can't adopt her, she has such a lovely manner.
Not much planned for this week! On saturday it is Valentines Day, our first as man and wife. I am planning a nice meal for DH but I still need to get him a card lol!
Anyway the snow has been really bad here so a few snowball fights have been fun! Apart from the one where I was cornered and pelted by my dad, dh and a friend of the family! Ouch!
Went to see the kittens at my mums. They are so adorable. Oscar is so loving, he is like a little rag doll! Gracie is so prim and proper, always shadowing my mum! Wispa is the cutest, being longhaired she looks like a mini lion! And she loves her balls with the bells in! At the moment mum is also fostering Wispa's twin sister, they are identical apart from their eyes! We haven't named her as we don't want to get too attached but she is becoming known as Wispa 2! It breaks my heart that we can't adopt her, she has such a lovely manner.
Not much planned for this week! On saturday it is Valentines Day, our first as man and wife. I am planning a nice meal for DH but I still need to get him a card lol!
Wednesday, 4 February 2009
Nilo
Hi Nilo and thanks for your comments!
I would agree that in school we are lead to believe that simply holding hands with a boy can lead to pregnancy! lol
Unfortunatly this isn't the case, if I weren't the control freak that I am I would follow everyones advice and let it happen naturally! They recommend BD every 2-3 days.
However if you want to know a bit of what I have learnt then read on!
The hormone estrogen builds up and around day 14 of your cycle (this will change depending on the length of your cycle) you will ovulate. Your egg will only 'live' for 6-12 hours. Sperm can live for upto 3-5 days. However even if the sperm and the egg are in the same place at the same time there is only a 20% chance of it leading to pregnancy.
They say that 90% of women will get pregnant within a year of trying.
It is just the luck of the draw.
I would agree that in school we are lead to believe that simply holding hands with a boy can lead to pregnancy! lol
Unfortunatly this isn't the case, if I weren't the control freak that I am I would follow everyones advice and let it happen naturally! They recommend BD every 2-3 days.
However if you want to know a bit of what I have learnt then read on!
The hormone estrogen builds up and around day 14 of your cycle (this will change depending on the length of your cycle) you will ovulate. Your egg will only 'live' for 6-12 hours. Sperm can live for upto 3-5 days. However even if the sperm and the egg are in the same place at the same time there is only a 20% chance of it leading to pregnancy.
They say that 90% of women will get pregnant within a year of trying.
It is just the luck of the draw.
Tuesday, 3 February 2009
Exhausted...
As the title would indicate, I am exhausted.
Firstly though, I have read up on what low progesterone levels mean. Progesterone is the hormone that makes your womb lining thicken. With a thin womb lining it is unlikely that A. the egg would be able to implant and B. miscarriage risk is higher
It is funny though, I still hold out hope that a miracle will happen and I will get my sticky BFP! I am due to go for more blood tests in 2 weeks to confirm the results. At which time I will then be refered to a specialist.
So, the reason why I am so tired! Yesterday I left work at 4pm with some friends from work and DH. I got free tickets to see Britains Got Talent Auditions in Cardiff. It was amazing and I am quite ashamed to say I got really star struck when I saw Piers Morgan, Amanda Holden, Simon Cowell, Ant & Dec!!! Wow!
Plus the acts were so cool and we got to cheer and boo!! I wonder if I will be able to see myself on tv! We didn't get home until 1am so I am knackered!! At least it took my mind off everything.
Tonight I am getting dinner from the chippy and going to bed at 6pm!!
Firstly though, I have read up on what low progesterone levels mean. Progesterone is the hormone that makes your womb lining thicken. With a thin womb lining it is unlikely that A. the egg would be able to implant and B. miscarriage risk is higher
It is funny though, I still hold out hope that a miracle will happen and I will get my sticky BFP! I am due to go for more blood tests in 2 weeks to confirm the results. At which time I will then be refered to a specialist.
So, the reason why I am so tired! Yesterday I left work at 4pm with some friends from work and DH. I got free tickets to see Britains Got Talent Auditions in Cardiff. It was amazing and I am quite ashamed to say I got really star struck when I saw Piers Morgan, Amanda Holden, Simon Cowell, Ant & Dec!!! Wow!
Plus the acts were so cool and we got to cheer and boo!! I wonder if I will be able to see myself on tv! We didn't get home until 1am so I am knackered!! At least it took my mind off everything.
Tonight I am getting dinner from the chippy and going to bed at 6pm!!
Friday, 30 January 2009
So confused...
Hmmmmmm
Yesterday...
I had small cramps in my lower stomach. Not like AF was coming but simliar. I put it down to needing a wee! So I went for a wee and wiped... Do not read on if you don't want to hear TMI!!
I wiped a huge glob of cervical mucus, it was like EWCM but far thicker and stickier and loads of it, almost the size of a ping pong ball. I spoke to some friends who said this was a very good sign on implantation. So I was on cloud nin last night! Still only BFN's but it could be too early for the pregnancy hormone to show.
This morning...
I went to the doctors to talk about my blood results. Something unconnected with TTC is that my blood viscosity is slightly raised. My blood is too thick lol! He wants to re test the blood to see if it was just an annomoly. But he also found that my progesterone levels were low. He siad this could be because we did the blood test at the wrong time but he wants to retest to see if the levels have changed.
Now my thinking is that when I went to have the blood tests I think I ovulated that day. Which means my progesterone levels would be low because they don't rise until 7 DPO...
So... is there still a chance I will get my BFP?? Now you see why I am confused!
Yesterday...
I had small cramps in my lower stomach. Not like AF was coming but simliar. I put it down to needing a wee! So I went for a wee and wiped... Do not read on if you don't want to hear TMI!!
I wiped a huge glob of cervical mucus, it was like EWCM but far thicker and stickier and loads of it, almost the size of a ping pong ball. I spoke to some friends who said this was a very good sign on implantation. So I was on cloud nin last night! Still only BFN's but it could be too early for the pregnancy hormone to show.
This morning...
I went to the doctors to talk about my blood results. Something unconnected with TTC is that my blood viscosity is slightly raised. My blood is too thick lol! He wants to re test the blood to see if it was just an annomoly. But he also found that my progesterone levels were low. He siad this could be because we did the blood test at the wrong time but he wants to retest to see if the levels have changed.
Now my thinking is that when I went to have the blood tests I think I ovulated that day. Which means my progesterone levels would be low because they don't rise until 7 DPO...
So... is there still a chance I will get my BFP?? Now you see why I am confused!
Thursday, 29 January 2009
7DPO
So I am seven days past ovulation... I think!
The good news is I am 95% sure I ovulated, the bad news is, even if I ovulated I only have a 25% chance of getting my BFP!
I am trying to stay positive and I have a strange calm feeling telling me I am pregnant. Trouble is if I am not pregnant I am gonna feel so much worse.
My blood tests came back with everything normal or okay so that is a relief, however the doctor does want to speak to me about the viscosity of my blood???? I have an appointment tomorrow.
Some good news! I got free tickets to see Britains got Talent being filmed in Cardiff! Whoop Whoop! I go with DH and my brother and his girlfriend on Monday yay!
Hopefully by then I will know if I am pregnant or not...
The good news is I am 95% sure I ovulated, the bad news is, even if I ovulated I only have a 25% chance of getting my BFP!
I am trying to stay positive and I have a strange calm feeling telling me I am pregnant. Trouble is if I am not pregnant I am gonna feel so much worse.
My blood tests came back with everything normal or okay so that is a relief, however the doctor does want to speak to me about the viscosity of my blood???? I have an appointment tomorrow.
Some good news! I got free tickets to see Britains got Talent being filmed in Cardiff! Whoop Whoop! I go with DH and my brother and his girlfriend on Monday yay!
Hopefully by then I will know if I am pregnant or not...
Tuesday, 20 January 2009
Feeling better, but guilty
So as it turns out Claire isn't pregnant, I misunderstood her facebook status. She was just optimistic as she ovulated this month and BD at the right time. I feel so guilty because, although I didn't tell her what I had presumed and how I had felt about that, I still felt that way.
Suzi has also officially told me that she is pregnant, before it was just office whispers. It is official now, she is due in August. I am honestly made up for her, but selfishly I hope it is my turn next!
Last night I got my first EWCM, I hadn't had it before asI have been on the depo and before that the implant for as long as I can remember! This means it is quite possible that I will ovulate soon. This makes me optimistic, if I were to get pregnant I would be due in October.
The trouble is I keep on getting my hopes up, like this, only for them to be dashed. I hope this time I get my wish. I already know exactly what pram/cot/etc I want!
I have an appointment on Thursday to have my bloods taken. I went to the doctors before Christmas as I hadn't had a period since stopping the depo (I only had one injection!) And so had been 6 months without anything. So he suggested that I have bloods taken to check my hormone levels.
Michelle posted pics of her 7 months bump on facebook, she has a lovely bump!
In other news, my mum got her kittens and they are adorable. 2 girls and a boy called Wispa, Gracie & Oscar. On Saturday I will go to hers and my brother will be there too, so that will be nice.
Suzi has also officially told me that she is pregnant, before it was just office whispers. It is official now, she is due in August. I am honestly made up for her, but selfishly I hope it is my turn next!
Last night I got my first EWCM, I hadn't had it before asI have been on the depo and before that the implant for as long as I can remember! This means it is quite possible that I will ovulate soon. This makes me optimistic, if I were to get pregnant I would be due in October.
The trouble is I keep on getting my hopes up, like this, only for them to be dashed. I hope this time I get my wish. I already know exactly what pram/cot/etc I want!
I have an appointment on Thursday to have my bloods taken. I went to the doctors before Christmas as I hadn't had a period since stopping the depo (I only had one injection!) And so had been 6 months without anything. So he suggested that I have bloods taken to check my hormone levels.
Michelle posted pics of her 7 months bump on facebook, she has a lovely bump!
In other news, my mum got her kittens and they are adorable. 2 girls and a boy called Wispa, Gracie & Oscar. On Saturday I will go to hers and my brother will be there too, so that will be nice.
Friday, 16 January 2009
Everyone is pregnant but me!!
My best friend Shelly is
My cousin Nicky is
My close friend Suzi is
My friend Karen in
My collegue Sarah is
My fellow TTCer Claire is
IT IS NOT FAIR
I have been trying for 7 gruelling months, why oh why can't I get pregnant.
Been really tearful today, found out Claire was pregnant, she and I were supporting each other TTC, I am made up for her but had hoped it would be my turn first. She has only been trying for 4 months and she has PCOS.
Its all the stupid Depo injection's fault, I only had one and then I didn't have a period for 6 months. Now for the last 6 weeks I have had 3. One week on, one week off. I doubt I am ovulating.
Poo :(
My cousin Nicky is
My close friend Suzi is
My friend Karen in
My collegue Sarah is
My fellow TTCer Claire is
IT IS NOT FAIR
I have been trying for 7 gruelling months, why oh why can't I get pregnant.
Been really tearful today, found out Claire was pregnant, she and I were supporting each other TTC, I am made up for her but had hoped it would be my turn first. She has only been trying for 4 months and she has PCOS.
Its all the stupid Depo injection's fault, I only had one and then I didn't have a period for 6 months. Now for the last 6 weeks I have had 3. One week on, one week off. I doubt I am ovulating.
Poo :(
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