Too Late.

What an awful weekend.

We left work and drove the 3 hours to The Wirral. On the way I am simultanously texting Chris and Claire trying to get us all to meet up for a meal. Claire and I had planned to meet up for about a fortnight and had planned to go to Whetherspoons as it was cheap and cheerful. First of all Chris says that they won't be serving food after 8pm, so claire called them and they confirmed they were serving food until 10pm. (Bearing in mind all this is being done by text!) Then Chris says actually he doesn't want to go the Whetherspoons as it will be busy on a Friday night, so I text Claire to see if there was anywhere else she wanted to go. She starts to get pissed off that I am changing the plans at such short notice and says that I should go somewhere with Chris and we could meet with her another time. Realising I am pissing Claire off because of Chris being difficult I say that No I will meet her as originally planned and that it is chris's loss if he doesn't want to come. I text a similar (but nicer) message to Chris saying we will see him after the meal as we are staying at his. He simply texts back 'forget it'. We arrive at Whetherspoons and Claire isn't there. At this point I broke down. I was trying to keep both of them happy and ended up pissing them both off.

I left an emotional voicemail on claires phone as she wasn't picking up and I called Chris to smooth things over. As it turns out Claire had gone to the other Whetherspoons in Birkenhead so wasn't in a mood with me but had already ordered food so we called it a day and promised to meet up next time I was up. Chris occassionally gets into his sulks like this but I just ignore them! So we ended up going to Frankie and Benny's with Chris.

At the meal I discussed with my friends whether I should see my Granny or not. They each had a story to tell and advice to give but each agreed there was no 'Right' or 'Wrong'. I decided I would see my Granny in the morning.

The next morning I was getting ready to leave to go and see her when my dad called to say she had just died. I was too late, my mum says I should see it as Granny protecting me, making sure I never saw her so ill. The problem is I couldn't dwell on it, My best friends baby shower was that afternoon and I was planning it. I really couldn't let her down.

I felt a bit like a zombie. Although laughing and joking on the outside with all her guests and was crumbling inside. I left early, although not too early. I didn't want to ruin her baby shower.

On sunday we left Chris's early and drove home. I didn't want to see anyone, I was sick of having to smile when I was rumbling inside. The whole 3 hour journey home I couldn't stop thinking about Granny. We got to my mums where we are staying to look after her kittens while she is up north with dad, helping him deal with the funeral arrangments.

I feel numb, in all honesty. It still doesn't feel real, I feel like I need to cry and let it all out but I can't.

And to top it all off DH and I have overspent this month by £600!! I have no idea where the money has gone :(